Oh to be disgustingly in love

A quiet yearning

Most days in the dark of night, I ask myself, "What would it be like to be in love?" And it was not until yesterday that I realised I never really thought deeply about it. Always just allowed it to float around in my head. So really, what does it feel like....to be in love?

Some days I wonder if I'm even capable of love. Yes, I love my friends and family and yes, I love food and lots of materialistic things. But sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if I can ever be in love with someone. If I'll ever find someone with whom I'll be completely infatuated and enamored with. Someone who I'll want to be with no matter what. Someone who I'll choose again and again until the day I die. Someone who I'd rather be with instead of having some 'me' time. I wonder if I'll ever be in love with someone enough to be comfortable and excited to share everything that happens every single day and I wonder if I'll ever love someone enough to forgive them over and over again. Someone who I'll love despite all his flaws and shortcomings. Someone I'll feel content with even on the most uneventful and slowest of days.

I wonder if I'm capable of being irrevocably in love with someone. If I'll ever be in love enough to give away the last slice of pizza to him. Or the last bag of chips. Or the good side of the bed. I wonder if I'll love someone enough to actually build a family with and I wonder if I'll ever be in love enough to find peace in the simple domesticity of it.

All I know is that I want to. I want to be disgustingly in love with a man, and I want to do it all. Have it all. With someone who is worth it. But sometimes I wonder if it'll ever actually happen, you know? I yearn for the type of love when you just look at the person and feel....peace.